Please forgive the informal tone of this email, it in no way indicates my level of reverence for the position you hold or our country for which you serve. It’s just the most efficient way I know how to communicate.
Mr. President and team,
I shot the campaign a short note yesterday about my fears that you’re spamming your supporters. I have since received two emails, one from Joe and one from Barry, each asking for $3. For some reason these were the proverbial straws that broke the camel’s back. So I wanted to express to you my concerns with your messaging thus far and the possible implications the campaign might be communicating to supporters like me. Please understand that I am very much onboard with most of your policies and hope to see you win a second term. It is this passion that drives my criticism.
I hope the following will supply some degree of insight.
Please stop signing emails with The President, Vice President, First Lady, or whomever’s signature at the bottom. It’s not 4 ago, twitter isn’t new anymore, and even old people know how to use the internet now. We all know that the equivalent to Ryan Gosling from that George Clooney movie is getting paid absurd amounts of money to write your wimpy, uninspiring emails and that at best Barry and Michelle are just signing off on them.
I did just say wimpy. You keep telling us about this spending gap and how much Mitt is raising from all of these evil corporations and that he’s outspending us in swing states, blah blah blah, but we honestly don’t give a damn.
It’s like you’re a hot girlfriend who’s getting jealous of a coworker who just got breast implants. Sure, she has a bigger cup size now, but you’re the full package.
I’m not going to leave you for a pair of tits.
But if all you talk about are those tits - day in and day out, then it makes me think that you’re insecure or jealous. Which is never attractive.
You have to understand that you’re real supporters can’t fathom an election where Romney could actually win. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if HIS supporters can imagine one. But all of your emails are just serving to simultaneously validate that notion and to dehumanize your campaign.
Remember 4 years ago? You didn’t win because you got a bunch of people to give you small amounts of money online (I’m assuming you’ve found $3 to be the magic number.) That was just an interesting side bar who’s ass “social media experts” have blown so much smoke up that it’s somehow convinced you that the plow made the corn.
We never really cared that you know how to use facebook or twitter, we don’t care if you have a database that can autofill our first names, and believe it or not we don’t even care about the lottery that you invented to have dinner parties with celebrities.
We care about real things that we deal with everyday: jobs, food, liberty. The fact that you can speak to us through a medium that we’re familiar with is cool, but if you weren’t saying the right stuff, it wouldn’t matter what you used to say it.
Where are the emails about how you’re going to change food subsidies so that vegetables are actually cheaper than the “vitamin fortified” “American Heart Association Approved” boxes of high-fructose corn syrup? Or the one’s talking about how you want to support domestic manufacturing so that Americans can be proud of making things again?
It frankly pisses me off that I get updated twice a day about how afraid you are of Mitt, or how I need to sign some birthday card and by the way we could use $3. But I heard nothing about the recent Ralph Lauren Olympics fiasco.
I’m starting a company, that means I’m broke - like one meal a day broke. But I’d gladly give you $3 or even $10 if it were going to something more than trying to beat the other guy.
Where’s the inspiration?
Where are the big promises?
Where’s the declaration that if you win, you’ll go FDR on congress if they don’t stop deadlocking everything?
That’s how you win your people over. Inspire us to support you. Remind us why we loved you in the first place.
Be the hot girl and own it.
We want to support you, we really do. Most of us would go so far as to say we love you, but we love our country more. Remind us why you’re the best person to run it and we’ll happily come back around.
You know we’re disenfranchised with Washington and the way things work and we assume you are too. But if you keep running this campaign this way and making us think your end goal is to win and not change things, then why should we care which one of you wins?